if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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