I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
