I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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