Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
