I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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