I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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