Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can't talk, ducks in the car
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
