Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
