Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize