You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
where are my eyebrows?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
