Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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