I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
