you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
