Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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