dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I believe in your delicious
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
