sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
