Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
