yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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