The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
