What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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