At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize