I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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