dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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