i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
