I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
