having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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