We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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