it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
