4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
