Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
