her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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