I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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