Your face is a jimmy john
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize