Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
