I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this will be a night to untag.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i think im in europe. pls send help
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
