the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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