Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
