Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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