do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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