he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
