As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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