lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
