fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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