Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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