Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
