Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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