i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
