I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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