He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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