he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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