Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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