I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
