Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize