last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Blow job season was short but glorious.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
