just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
