Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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