she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize