The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
