I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
