One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
