how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize