his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize