woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
