omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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