Who wears a wallet chain?!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
